In This Issue Senior Interviews Boundaries as Pastoral Care Those Weekly Supervisory Meetings The Vital Lay Internship Committee Meet Margy Monkeys (Editor's Column) Three Month Report Campus News Internship Cluster Events Links You'll Like Internship Handbook Lay Committee Handbook Internship Forms Contact Us The Contextual Leadership Initiative staff is here to support you! Contact us with your concerns or suggestions. Previous Newsletters Want to re-read an article from a previous issue? Review previous newsletters.

Internship Newsletter: October 2005

Senior Interviews

“I’m surprised at how much I know about heating and cooling systems.”

“Two boys called me ‘cool’, and I’ve never been called ‘cool’ in my life.”

“Thank goodness it depends more on your heart than your head.”

“Holy buckets, I think I can do this!”

“I was so worried about getting the theology right, but I got there and found out that relationships came first.”

Those were some of the comments made by seniors reflecting on their internship experiences as they met with CLI staff in Berkeley and St. Paul after returning to campus. While a few reported difficulties along the way and all recognized that internship had its ups and downs, the overwhelming majority found internship to be a positive experience of growth in which they not only grew in competence and understanding of the pastoral role and the work actually done by parish pastors, but also clarified their own sense of call.

Major insights/learnings/discoveries included:

• The supreme importance of relationships.
• An appreciation for the diversity of Lutheranism across the ELCA. Some interns found themselves in settings in which the character of church life was very different from what they had experienced previously and learned to respect and love this “different” face of Lutheranism.
• Profound respect for the piety, the love and concern of God’s people.
• Surprise as how well received they were and the willingness of people to welcome interns into their congregations and their lives.
• Clarity about internship as a process of ministry formation.
• Realization of the community dimension of the pastor’s life, serving community as much as congregation.
• The delightful discovery that they really enjoyed what they were doing.

Very few returning interns reported major problems with their experiences. Where there were difficulties, three issues emerged most often:

1. Lack of weekly supervisory conferences.
2. Lay Internship Committees unsure of their task.
3. Inappropriately high expectations.

Certainly PLTS and LS will be energized this year by these enthusiastic pastors to be, and the church will be blessed by them when their theological education is completed.

Boundaries as Pastoral Care  
by Jean Larson

All the church talk about boundaries in pastoral ministry might suggest that we should all wrap ourselves up in yellow police tape: CAUTION! DO NOT CROSS! I’ve heard some young pastors say that they will never hug any parishioner, nor will they ever take a stranded youth home from a retreat, and they go out into ministry on the legal and ethical defensive. Is this necessary? Furthermore, “boundary” talk at first glance goes against the theological grain. Keeping oneself safe, erecting walls, making clean distinctions, sounds more like the Holiness Code than the gospel of Jesus. So what’s an intern to do?

Understand boundaries as an expression of care for self and parishioner alike.

Perhaps you already do. It may be that pastors like me, in it for a couple decades, need to learn this more than interns do. Ours was the generation that learned to share the peace of Christ with happy abandon, who rejoiced in the loosening of formality in the pastoral office. When I was in seminary, I was part of a group that called itself the “Harmony Haven Huggers.” You get the picture.

The problem (often) is not in sharing affection or care, but in naiveté which can open the door to confusion, mixed messages, and hurtful emotional or sexual trespass. (As I write this it occurs to me that my analysis is gendered. I write as a woman out of my own experience. Do men analyze this differently? There may be a good conversation in here.)

We all know the worst-case scenarios--egregious sexual manipulation, even rape, by pastors or interns against vulnerable parishioners. The church has paid a huge price, financially and spiritually. And the victims have paid a greater one. Don’t even go there. If you’re concerned about your own ability or desire to set firm sexual or emotional boundaries, get the best therapist you can afford and find out what’s moving you. Give yourself a chance to get healthy and thrive in ministry.

Most of us are not sociopaths, thanks be to God, but we are not immune to being attracted to parishioners. In fact, it’s safer to assume that we will be attracted to parishioners, and parishioners will be attracted to us for a whole variety of reasons, some having nothing to do with the power of our preaching. So care with personal boundaries remains essential, for everyone’s well-being. Understanding ourselves as human beings who quite regularly mistake our needs, misread others’ signals, need affection, deny responsibility, overwork, and are subject to ego and sexual drives is a good place to start. Understand others in the same framework, and be mindful that the often hidden sufferings of parishioners--as victims of sexual abuse, rape or other violence, addictions, or mental illness--can seriously damage their ability to set up healthy boundaries and can even set them up to cross them. It is always up to the intern or pastor to set appropriate boundaries.

Practice Self Care and Family Care.

It’s the burning-out, give-till-there’s-not-much-left pastor who puts herself in jeopardy. Take your days off. Get away. Remember that God cares about a lot more than religion/church/your evaluations. Guidelines for interns are that they work 45-50 hours per week. If your supervisor has other ideas, talk about it. Healthy boundaries don’t start with a no-hugging pledge. They start with a healthy use of time, enjoying Sabbath, and a life outside the church. In some contexts like rural isolation this is a challenge! But a worthy one.

Err on the side of being circumspect.

Circumspect is a great word here. It carries the sense of looking around, taking everything into account. One lovely little thing to take into account is a CPE mantra: whose needs am I meeting here?

And modesty is fine. Consider it a counter-cultural practice. It is possible to communicate warmth with a two-handed passing of the peace, an arm around the shoulder, an A-frame hug. This sounds dorky. But I think it is wise. Full-frontal hugs can miscommunicate. It’s much easier to start out with firmer boundaries than to try to establish them later. You might safely let parishioners set the tone, being respectful of their comfort zone, but with those who have too much twinkle in their eye and no sense of distance, you have to set the boundary. Sometimes this takes quite a bit of work and persistence. Strategically placed LBW’s and lovely leather notebooks can run interference rather well. So do words. I am uncomfortable when you put your arm around me, Mr. Jensen.

It is always the intern’s or pastor’s job to set the boundaries. Professional counselors advise never doing one-on-one counseling in an empty building. No staff around? Use a quiet café. These are difficult issues requiring a balance between protecting the privacy and confidentiality of pastoral counsel with protecting the safety of the relationship. It never hurts to ask what the parishioner is comfortable with. (Would you prefer that the door be kept open or closed? And to the stranded confirmation kid: Is it OK with you and your parents if I give you a ride home? You might call the parents first.) It is always important to keep tabs on what you are comfortable with as well. Trust your gut.

Finally, go to your synod’s boundary workshop.

Many synods require such a workshop. All do them. It would be good learning for intern and supervisor to go together. The point of all this is the well-being of the people of God. And that includes you.

Those Weekly Supervisory Meetings  
by Alicia Vargas

“A time for everything…,” we read in Ecclesiastes. In the midst of the week’s responsibilities, varied and abundant as they are, intern and supervising pastor take at least an hour to:

1. Turn off the phone and the office traffic, and sit with each other (well, maybe go to a coffee shop) and talk
2. Pray together
3. Review all aspects of public ministry encountered anytime during the preceding week, from the point of view of the Call (in coffee hour, before worship in the parking lot, in the nursing home or in the hospital or in the local jail, or in the committee meeting the previous evening)
4. Wonder about the possibilities of the relationships with those whom the intern is getting to know in the congregation, in the community (so many lives, so little time!)
5. Have fun and seriousness with feedback and input on last Sunday’s sermon and the liturgy (general demeanor, content, comfort factor, and much more)
6. Reflect on the theology of the prayers offered at the altar (Did they convey the intern’s intended theology? What was that intended theology? How was the week's news—home and congregation, local and world’s—covered?)
7. Read short articles or chapters (or one of Luther’s letters, or a meditation, or the ELCA social statement most pertinent to this moment in the congregational life, or some good old Scripture, or a favorite from Seminary—remember Seminary?)
8. Count the blessings of the preceding week
9. Leave all the planning for the coming week for another time!
10. Listen to Ecclesiastes again: There is a time for everything!

May your supervisory hour be one of the blessings of your week.

The Vital Lay Internship Committee  
by Laure Schwartz

By now there should be an active internship committee in place made up of lay leaders in the congregation. You might be wondering what your role is and who exactly leads this committee. We suggest that a chair person be selected and that he or she works with the intern on setting an agenda for the monthly meetings. The chair person would then lead the meetings.

The Intern Committee has a unique perspective for the student to hear. You can tell the intern about life in your community as you experience it, and some of the challenges you face. You can regularly reflect with the intern on his or her ministry skills and pastoral identity. Share your story of faith and your style of ministry. Take time to ask the intern what she/he needs from the members of the committee. Similarly the committee can help the intern learn what the expectations of the congregation are.

Some suggestions for your meetings in months two and three:

• Check on the intern’s housing and personal needs, including the spouse’s or children’s needs
• Discuss the transition from seminary to church and this new community
• Review and formalize with the intern the Learning Service Agreement
• Develop a process for evaluating the intern’s preaching and assisting in worship

Informally, any member of the internship committee should feel free to invite the intern and family over for dinner. Conversation around a meal is a great way to welcome new people to your community.

What should Lay Committees be talking about each month? You can find out by exploring the Lay Intern Committee Handbook, online. But we'll also be tipping you each month to some ideas here in this newsletter.